INTRODUCTION
Most of us go through life feeling that we are driven and affected by forces which are completely outside of our control: some call this fate, some believe in god, some believe in universal forces. Many simply believe that they are not masters of their own thoughts, feelings and destiny but are essentially ‘adrift’ and at the mercy of the external world.
When it comes to our health, wealth and happiness, most of us don’t realise that we can choose how we experience each of these. Our beliefs, values, attitudes and behaviours influence and impact how we experience life every second of every day.
Each of us has internal filters which we have developed over time, and what we are focused on in life is a direct reflection of our upbringing, environment and significant emotional experiences which are stored and coded in our neurology and then represented as “Reality” – not always a reality that is in our best interest or supports us to move forward in life.
The fantastic news is – it is within all of us to own our neurology and to fine tune it to bring the focus and therefore the results that we desire in life.
1. The map is not the territory
This is a key foundation concept of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and what it means is that every single one of us experiences the world in our own individual way.
Every second of our lives, millions of bits of information are streaming through our five senses into our minds, but only 7 plus or minus 2 bits gets consciously registered. What information is allowed in, and what is filtered out, is determined by an intricate system of beliefs, values and ideas which we have accumulated throughout our lives. We cannot truly know the world as it is, we can only now it as we are, not only because our conscious awareness is limited, but because even that tiny bit that gets in is influenced by our ‘map’ of reality.
We are constantly deleting, distorting and generalising in order to make sense of our world. The question to ask is: what are we leaving out, changing and generalising that could enrich our ‘map’ and move us towards the life we desire?
Because everyone experiences the world differently, we say that the map is not the territory: I have a different experience of reality than you do, and it’s not about being any more right or wrong than yours is. In NLP, we only ask if the current map you have is the most useful one for you right now.
If, for example, your map tells you that making money is hard, that wealth is only for a small minority of the world, that you have to work hard for every cent earned, then this will be your experience of wealth.
If you believe that exercise is hard and scary, that nutritious food doesn’t taste good and is expensive, then this will be your reality when it comes to healthy lifestyle. We delete any evidence, through our filters, that healthy lifestyle can be fun or easy.
If you tell yourself that you will never be happy, that the world is a harsh and ugly place, and that good things don’t happen to you – you will delete, distort or generalise evidence to the contrary, and this will be your experience of the world.
2. Cause and effect
Once we understand how our map of the world is constructed, we then have to address the concept of responsibility or accountability for our experiences. In NLP we call this the Principle of Cause and Effect – also know as ‘results versus reasons.’
In our lives, we do what gets us the results that we want. We move in the direction of that which we consistently think about, be it consciously or on a sub-conscious level. Lack of choice is an illusion.
When a person is at ‘effect’, they adopt a victim mentality, a ‘learned helplessness’. They believe that life happens to them, that they have no control over how their lives are shaped or how they feel on a day to day basis. We call this ‘below the line’ thinking. This is a passive role, is based up on reactive behaviours and is full of stories and excuses. People who exist at effect are not living powerful or empowered lives. They blame other people or circumstances for a bad mood, for what they didn’t achieve or just life in general. At the effect side of life one is powerless and depends on others to feel good.
Those individuals who live their lives ‘at cause’ take responsibility for decisively creating what they desire in life and then from that what they achieve or will achieve as a result. They view the world as a place of opportunities and move towards what they want. If things don’t pan out as they would like, they take action and explore other possibilities. To be at cause means that you know you have choices, in what you do and how you react to other people and events.
If you wish to feel the maximum power available to you, then you should choose to take responsibility for whatever might happen in your universe. Once you do this, things will stop happening to you, and you will actively start making things happen, each and every day, exactly as you would wish them to be.
3. What we focus on is what we get
Closely linked with the principle ‘The Map is Not the Territory’ is the principle that what we focus on is what we get, almost to the exclusion of everything else. There are also parallels between this principle and the Universal Law of Attraction.
Imagine that you are standing in a completely blacked out warehouse. Initially, you can see nothing. Then you turn a torch on and are able to see a small, narrow section of the warehouse, which is illuminated by the narrow beam of light from the torch. The warehouse may contain untold riches but if your beam of light is only focussing on an empty patch of soil, this is all that you will see.
Now imagine this torch represents your conscious awareness. How much in life are you currently not seeing? We see the world based on who we are, what we look for, and what we expect to find – not how it truly is.
Quantum Physics states that we exist in a soup of pure potentiality. What are you focussing on in your life that is preventing you from seeing what is truly possible?
To take this to the next level, we need to look at the conflicting concepts of fear and appreciation. It’s not possible to experience both of these at once, therefore if we are focussing on something that causes us to experience fear, we cannot possibly experience appreciation. This is because the two emotions are accessed from different parts of our brain.
Next time you experience a challenge in your life, try applying the 5/95 rule:
Focus 5% on what you fear and 95% on getting educated and skilled to face it
Focus 5% on the problem and 95% on the solution
Focus 5% on the mistake and 95% on learning from it
Focus 5% on who to blame and 95% on how to move forward
Focus 5% on the conflict and 95% on a win-win resolution
Focus 5% on what to do and 95% on enjoying the process
Focus 5% on reading this and 95% on applying it
How you experience your world is your choice.
4. There is no failure, only feedback
The fear of failure is one of the greatest forces holding us back from taking the actions that would bring us the results we desire in life.
Every single thing that happens to us and to our world is an opportunity to learn, is feedback, is a set of results for us to use and grow from. What we might habitually call ‘failure’ in life is in reality a signal for us to adjust our choices, our behaviours or our beliefs in order to experience a different type of feedback.
If we choose to do so, we can develop the behavioural flexibility to constantly keep adjusting our choices, behaviours and beliefs until we get the results we desire in all areas of our lives. The most successful people in the world are those with the greatest behavioural flexibility.
Failure is commonly defined as the lack of success. However, this definition offers a narrow, limited and negative perspective. More practically, failure is about giving up and not trying. A perceived failure often comes before the success. Many people give up at the point where one more small step would have brought them the results they sought.
Trials are not construed as failures by those who have succeeded; they are viewed opportunities to get things right, or stepping stones to success.
Real estate mogul Donald Trump repeatedly filed for bankruptcy. Abraham Lincoln went through multiple business and election failures before he was elected as President. Once extremely poor, Robert Kiyosaki now teaches people worldwide on how to multiply their wealth.
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” — Michael Jordan – greatest basketball player of all time and businessman.
“I haven’t failed; I’ve found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” — Thomas Edison – scientist and businessman – when inventing the first commercially practical light bulb.
The only real failure in life is failure to participate.
5. You become the average of your environment
We’ve explored a number of ways in which we construct our view of the world internally, based on our experiences, beliefs and ideas, and how we can powerfully start moving towards, and even creating, the results we desire in life.
In order to be the very best we can possibly be, we must also look at our environment. To continuously grow and develop, we must surround ourselves by the people and places that are going to inspire, teach, motivate, support and nurture us.
It is said that we become the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. Think about who these 5 people are in your life. Now take a moment to think about what you feel are negative aspects of their personalities, or their approach to life. Write these down on a piece of paper. Now take a moment to review what you have written, and notice that what you don’t like in these people is in fact what you don’t like in yourself: perception is projection.
If you find that your life is characterised by negativity, poverty, lack of inspiration, bad and unhealthy habits, take some time to think about the environments you spend most of your time in, and the people you spend most of your time with. Surround yourself with the people that project what you want: wealth, health and happiness. Sometimes a simple change of environment can make a profound difference to the results you experience.
Consistently aim to operate from a state and physiology of excellence. Operating from a totally resourceful state will empower you, and as states are quite contagious, it will also empower whoever you are with.
6. Your past does not dictate your present or future
Possibly the most important concept to grasp of them all is that no matter what has come before, what has happened to us, what our upbringing was like, who we grew up around, our experience of school, our previous relationships…none of this has any influence whatsoever on the present or on the future: the future is within our power to choose.
If you take only one thing away from this report, let it be that how you experience everything in your life is a CHOICE and that this choice is not driven by the events of your past. Whilst the events of our past, and our choices in the past, may have brought us to where we are right now, today, it cannot possibly dictate what happens now or next – unless we CHOOSE to let it.
Most of us spend too much time looking back, weighed down by past experiences, living our lives in ‘effect’ and blaming historical events for our lack of results, assuming that patterns from before must automatically be replicated going forwards.
It is often easy to blame your origins for your failures but it is just as easy to turn your back on your past and create a successful future. You don’t have to change anything apart from your own outlook. By thinking differently, you can steer your future in the direction you want to go. By refusing to think negatively and filling yourself with a positive attitude, you can achieve any goal you set for yourself.
“What we think we become”. Buddha
“Every man’s life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done with, and the future is uncertain.” Marcus Aurelius
Victoria Judge –
About the Author:
Victoria is a qualified Personal Trainer, Life Coach and NLP Practitioner dedicated to maximising the health, wealth and happiness of each of her clients, empowering individuals to create their ideal lives.